We figured out why I was throwing up so much, unable to keep anything down.. Feeling sleepy no matter what.. just overall crappy.

At first I attributed everything to my kidney infection. It wasn’t getting better, because I couldn’t keep my medicine down (I even just gave up, waiting until I could hold down any kind of food first)

But I realized I hadn’t gone potty in awhile. This is normal for me, but usually I do not feel pain from it. I was in TONS of pain. I still am which adds up to my kidneys, but I also soon caught on where I was feeling pain didn’t all add up.

I was able to do a suppository to cleanse myself (it was so tiny it wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be, and it was this or an entire enema which really doesn’t sound very fun ;__; ) and it worked great. I feel so much better. Still shitty, naturally, but I’m not throwing up anymore. At first I was even throwing up everytime I went to the bathroom. Which leads me to he conclusion that I was probably starting to become toxic. 

Would have been avoided if my fucking mother called in my prescription for my Amitza, a medication that keeps me regular, MONTHS AGO. She go it a few days ago.. and I couldn’t take it because I WAS THROWING EVERYTHING UP. I also literally had not eaten in days, so being able to hold food down has also probably helped with the horrifying pain.

But, I’m not hospitalized. I’m doing better. It was not my proudest or most pleasant treatment, but.. you gotta do what you gotta do.

Lol this is pretty TMI but just an update.

 I’ve been feeling shaky and sick all day, and I had that yucky watery shit that comes before you throw up.. but never threw up.

WELL I FINALLY DID and it was totally solid, and I keep dry heaving but I know it’s really just more of this solid nasty-ness. The last time this happened was related to my gallbladder. I feel a horrible stabbing pain.

I almost sent myself into an anxiety attack but I’m calmed down now (which is good because I obviously, throwing up, can’t take my Xanax for it). My mom wants to go to the ER and maybe I should bu I really, really do not want to.

So now I’m left shaking, aching all over, dry heaving, and have a horrible pain in my stomach.. a stabby pain. 

gunna try and distract myself by reading some blogs and then hopefully fall asleep for a bit

It started Friday with a migraine and some thorwing up, but migraines make me sick so I dunno.. Saturday I had a really nasty tummy ache, but was still able to ignorei t and function.. It went away kind of. but then Sunday afternoon I had the runs ( which stopped, thank goodness @ -@ ) & overall pain in my stomach, which kept me up all night.

I think I didn’t drink enough water and having the runs (which is diarrhea btw I just really hate that word sdfdfggf) which has contributed to why I feel so awful today. I can’t sleep because of my stomach pain, my head hurts, I’m hot then I’m cold ( I had a slight fever, I guess - it  was only 100- but it’s gone, just left feeling hot then cold now ) & I have horrible aches.

The joys of having an auto immune/thyroid disease, I suppose. It is never a surprise when this shit happens, and i happens all the time, but man does it get old.

People’s comments on it get old, too. It happens a lot less now ( freshman year this fucking cunt was obsessed with it, even went so far as to ask me “Why do you even show up?”-when I have high honors grades! )

It’s people that are friends who do it, and mostly it isn’t meant to be mean. But it’s still really hard and I don’t have the balls to say how much I dislike their comments like, “Oh look Val showed up to day!” and stuff.. I’m afraid they’ll think i’m just being a baby. I hate my body, I hate this disease, and I hate being sick. It sucks. It’s hard keeping up with school but I manage to.. And blah IDK. It’s like, if they knew how much I struggle and what I’ve been though they probably wouldn’t say these things. I  don’t even think they SHOULD need to know. It’s obvious I have issues, so why would you do that? Like I said, it’s not meant to be hurtful, but it fucking kills me. At he same time all I do is awkwardly laugh and shrug it off and sometimes even go along, so it isn’t like I can really BLAME them.. No, I can only place blame on myself. But hen there’s still the thought in my head that if you know someone is very sick, you probably shouldn’t joke about it.. It’s not like I’m dying, and I WILL outgrow this (It’s soo much better than it was just Freshman year! ).. There’s worse out there. But then I think like that and feel shitty for feeling shitty about what I’m going through, and I’m that way when it comes to a lot of shit.. Like my PTSD.

That’s another thing.. I have serious depression, anxiety disorder, and PTSD. The depression has been around for years, but the PTSD is a recent diagnoses due to a trauma over last summer. It was a physical and even sexual trauma but because it wasn’t a conventional kind of sexual assault or trauma I’m always kicking myself fof feeling shitty about it, telling myself it shouldn’t count and I should be ashamed. I need to stop that.

How did this go from me having the poops to this?

Guess I’m having kind of a self loathing/sad moment. Hah. Sorry, guys. I’m only posting this because when it comes to this stuff I like to pretend someone is actually reading and listening instead of just getting it out and hitting private.

Is the warranty still good?

I AM DYING